Dr Ed is a Scary Smex Machine!
by The Enchanted Picture Book
Summary: Finally Ed the Smexinator will prove that he can be scary too. ::beware of senseless dirty yaoi:: EdXEnvy, RoyXEd [sorta]


**Dr. Ed is a Scary Smex Machine!**

Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist

"I've had you working too hard lately, haven't I Fullmetal?" said the Colonel, locking the door behind him.

His prey simply gulped, stepping back into a more defensive position as Mustang licked his lips and began to approach him.

"All work and no play makes Ed a dull boy," he whispered, closing in on the quivering specimen, "how 'bout a game?" He pushed the little alchemist down onto the desk and climbed on top of him, despite the boy's (now both physical and vocal) protest as he tried to resist the advance.

"Stop it! I mean it – this is scaring me!" cried Ed, squirming as the man on top of him held him down and began to lay soft kisses on the side of his neck. "I said no!" he yelled, to no avail.

The black-haired attacker let out a little chuckle. "No you didn't – you only said 'stop'. Besides, if you really want me to stop, then why are you smiling?" He teased, but he had a point – the blonde was indeed smiling. "Maybe I should actually be worried," the Colonel mused.

"Don't worry," Ed assured him, "I'm smiling because this whole thing is funny – but stop it! This shit seriously is scaring me too!" The smile faded and angry, golden eyes met black ones. It didn't last though. Ed tried to keep a straight face but it wasn't long before he burst out laughing.

Mustang smiled, amused at how funny things had become, before the game could really even pick up. "The whole point is to scare you!" he said, playing with his captive's hair before leaning in to the point where his face was only just hovering over the boy's. "So stop laughing," he ordered.

"I can't help it," Edward giggled, "this whole thing is so stupid!" Once he had regained his composure, he shut his eyes tightly. "But REALLY – you've gotta stop now! Even this much is going to give me nightmares for weeks…" He struggled under the Colonel's weight some more – not only was the whole situation disturbing, the desk was pretty uncomfortable itself.

Getting himself into a more…accessible position, Mustang smirked. "I wouldn't have to do this if you were still scared of me just the way I am – but no, a little action and all of a sudden we're the best of pals, right?"

"And what's so wrong with that?" asked Ed. "You're just scared of being in a proper relationship!" he said, with a superior grin on his face. Even though it wouldn't get as strong a reaction from him as he could get from Ed, teasing Envy was fun.

The Colonel scoffed. "Proper? This wouldn't exactly be a proper relationship, half-"

"LALALALALA! I'M NOT LISTENING!" sang the blonde, loudly, as he couldn't block his ears due to his hands still being held down. He always avoided that topic. It was easier that way. "But you know, I appreciate you trying new things and all, but you seriously need to change back right now or I'm probably going to vomit all over you."

"Fine," said Envy, changing back to his usual form, somewhat relieved in finding that his chibi-san was so repulsed by the Flame Alchemist, his most likely rival for the boy's affection. He arched his back up to whisper into Ed's ear: "Forget about any extra excitement – I can still blow your mind."

A wicked smile crept across the Fullmetal Alchemist's face. "You want to keep things interesting? Well I can be pretty scary myself," he whispered, before managing to knee Envy in that special area, knocking him backwards off the desk to where he landed on his back on the floor. Ed got up and jumped off the desk to come to a sitting position on Envy's waist.

"Ow – what the hell was that for?" Envy roared, just about ready to punch the blonde in the face.

"There there," Ed said, seductively. "How about we play doctors?" he smiled.

The "surgery" went for three days.

* * *

Well, there you go – this is what happens when you're waiting for someone to come on MSN for two hours and they don't. I also just needed to get the filth out of my head since it takes so long for things to heat up when you're writing a story where Ed and Envy don't just start out as a couple. Please Review - REASONS TO REVIEW: 1. I said please 2. Envy will send you a complementary video recording of those three days 3. To make a request for my Twisted Pairings story challenge! 


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